Bereavement Services

The death of a loved one is a jolting experience. Shock, grief and sadness can be overwhelming. Emotional support and resources are needed during this difficult time.

We'll work with you to help you begin the journey through your loss. Our Bereavement Packet (PDF) is filled with grief education materials and information on local and regional support groups.

What are Bereavement and Mourning?

Bereavement is the period after a loss during which grief is experienced. Mourning is the process by which people adapt to a loss. Cultural customs, rituals and society's rules for coping with loss influence mourning.

What is Grief?

Grief is the normal process of reacting to a loss. Grief reactions may be felt in response to physical losses (for example, a death), in response to symbolic or social losses (for example, divorce, change in body appearance or loss of a job), or in anticipation of a loss. Each type of loss means the person has had something taken away. Everyone reacts differently depending on their personality and coping style, relationships, past experiences and cultural and religious background. The process takes time and should not be hurried.

What are some of the normal feelings of grief?
Grief may be experienced as a mental, physical, social, or emotional reaction. Many people report feeling an initial stage of numbness after first learning of a death but there is no order to the grieving process.

These feelings are normal and common reactions to loss. You may not be prepared for the intensity and duration of your emotions or how swiftly your moods may change. Sometimes the feelings can be strange and scary. During the first few weeks after the loss of a loved one, almost any type of reaction is possible and normal.

How can I cope during this process?

You may start to feel better in small ways in about six weeks. This is the time when you will begin to reorganize your life around your loss. You begin to develop new habits and lifestyle changes and make plans for the future. Remember though that grief takes its own time. Be kind to yourself. Find out about helping children cope with grief and loss.

All cultures have developed ways to cope with death and loss. Some common ways that can help you cope during this time include:

• Ask for help and support from family, friends or a support group, and try to express whatever you are feeling, be it anger, guilt, sadness or relief
  
• Accept that some things, like death are beyond your control
  
• Avoid making major decisions until your judgment and perspective return
• Take care of your health with regular physical activity, eating balanced and nutritious meals, getting regular rest and relaxation
• Keep up with daily details so you don't get overwhelmed
• Read books or poetry on the subject
• Keep a diary or journal
• Encourage others to talk about your loved one.
  

How will I know if I need professional help?

If your grief seems like it is too much to bear or you notice any of the following you need to seek help from your doctor, clergy, counselor or other professionals:

• You are unable to function appropriately at work or home
• Your have extreme feeling of guilt, worthlessness or depression that get worse
• You have persistent trouble sleeping (particularly when you awaken early in the morning and can not get back to sleep)
• You lost or gained more than 10-15 pounds
• You are overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts
• You have physical symptoms that do not make sense.
  

When You Return Home

• Contact other family members and close friends. Gather a circle of people who will provide emotional support.
• Notify your spiritual leader such as a pastor, priest or rabbi. Let them know if you want the funeral or memorial service at your place of worship.
• Call the funeral home you have chosen. Let them know of any special services you may need. If you have not already done so, notify the hospital about which funeral home will be serving you. Call Decedent Affairs anytime at 434.924.5018.
• Have a relative, friend or neighbor answer the phone or help with phone calls, if there are many people to notify.
• Have someone keep a list of all phone calls received, flowers and food donations.
  

Before Going to the Funeral Home

• Funeral and burial options vary. Ask for descriptions and costs of the kind of service that will honor your loved one. One non-profit consumer resource is the Funeral Consumers Alliance.
  
• Bring any insurance information. Gather information for the obituary (full name and nicknames, date of birth, occupation, father's and mother's names, list of relatives and relationships and any military service). Include a list of church, professional organizations, clubs or other memberships held.
  
• Bring the names of organizations or charities you wish to have donations made in memory of your loved one.
  
• Select and bring the clothing in which your loved one will be buried.
  
• Make arrangements for food or a reception after the burial service. Perhaps a friend can oversee this task.
  
• Obtain a book for signatures for those present at the funeral or memorial service. Provide a basket to collect cards people bring.
• Be thinking of individuals who might be available as pallbearers and/or persons who may speak about your loved one at the service.